March 30, 2007

"We're Sorry About the Mud, and We're Sorry About the Rain, And We're Sorry We're From Amerika, But We're Not Sorry That We Came To Be Your Friend."

I'm pretty sure that's one of the best damn pictures I've had yet. Spectacular. How could it relate? Simple: it appears as though a few things are happening in this image. The ... androgen in the center appears to be learning, the monkey appears to be masturbating, the other sexless person between the two appears to be so excited by the blueprints that she is urinating, and the boy at the far left appears to be missing an arm. Still confused? Well, today, we are all learning that we have all underestimated the White Stripes.

Wow. That's quite a jump. I'm pretty sure that when I wrote that intro to this blog I was running purely on caffeine. Anyway, I think the concept is still presented: few people, in my opinion, really know how amazing the White Stripes can be. Now, you're prolly saying to me, "dude, some people consider them to be the best rock band ever, so how can you say that?" I can say that because not to many people have heard the passion that Jack White puts into the performance of Jolene in this live set/Bootleg. It is seriously one of the highlights of my music-listening career/life/whatev. Just so you can have some sort of foundation as to what most people have heard in relation to this song, here are two versions of it:

Dolly Parton - Jolene (off of Liam Howlett's Back To Mine(which means there is a possibility he edited it to make it more dancy, but I haven't read anything that says one way or another))
The White Stripes - Jolene

The reason I included the studio version of the White Stripes' Jolene was so you, if you hadn't heard it before, might understand where other people might be coming from when they say "eh, that cover was all right. nothin to write home about, but not the worst either." And now, so you can see where I'm coming from, I will post the Bootleg album "We're Sorry We're From Amerika."

(I think it's also notable that the duo excellently execute transitions between most of the songs, leaving the crowd, and, in truth, the listener, highly energizing, making this not only the best quality recording of the White Stripes live that I've ever heard, but the most titillating as well)

Band: The White Stripes
Date: 2005-06-24
Venue: Glastonbury Festival, Pilton, UK

Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground
Blue Orchid
I Think I Smell A Rat/Passive Manipulation/I Think I Smell A Rat/Music Man/I Think I Smell A Rat
Let’s Shake Hands
The Nurse
Hotel Yorba
Jolene (Dolly Parton cover) [WHATEVER YOU DO, LISTEN TO THIS]
Ball & Biscuit (first verse only)
My Doorbell
Cannon/Broken Bricks/Cool Drink of Water Blues/Ball & Biscuit
Passive Manipulation
Same Boy You’ve Always Known
The Hardest Button To Button
We’re Going To Be Friends
Little Ghost
Death Letter
I Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself (Dusty Springfield cover)
Screwdriver/Passive Manipulation/Screwdriver
Seven Nation Army

Bonus mp3: I just recently found a track off of Aluminium (sometimes spelled Alumiiinim). Info. here it is:
Aluminium - Aluminium

March 27, 2007

"I've Grown A Door in My Stomach..."

That's a Press photo of Dan Deacon, one of the craziest people eva. But a good man all the same.

(oh, and I apologize for the craziness of this post, allergy season just hit, and I'm kinda high on claritin)

Last night was quite the Rawk-Gasm. Rhinoceropolis has yet to disappoint. I'll try to explain the show in as few words as possible ... here we go:

The line up was as follows:

Baltimore peps:
Dan Deacon
Blood Baby
Santa Dads
Video Hippos

Denver peps:
Milton Melvin Croissant III
Married in Berdichev!
Pictureplane/Travis' new side project [Edit: their name is BAZI KANANI, after the 9News reporter(I assume)]
Juaren (not sure of "artist name")

Thats' quite the hefty line up. The occasion? Baltimore's Wham City invaded Rhinoceropolis for one night, and showed us how they did it in Baltimore, and, in return, we gave them a small taste of how we do it in Denver.

The show started around 10:30, and was a bit of a carnival. All of the Baltimore bands and one of the Denver bands (MMC III) had been setting up at the same time, and were, thus, all raring to go. The way it worked was as such: Each Baltimore band played a song or two, then they traded off and let another Baltimore Band play. After they all got a turn, a Denver band/artist performed 1 song, and the whole thing repeated, with a different Denver band each time. There were 4 rounds like this. During each individual band's performance there were lights set up to signify which side of the room we were to all flock to and enjoy tunes. It was weird, but it worked.

Santa Dads kinda threw everything off though. Everybody else was loud and fast and dancy, and then Santa Dads would play their odd mix electric-ukulele and beat-boxing which, while interesting and, over-all, pretty damn cool, it was still a bit like driving on those stupid streets that have stop signs on every corner.

This is about how it broke down:

Santa Dads (fully dressed in Grandma-Mu-Mu Gown and Hobbes-esq Tiger suit. At one point the Grandma-Mu-Mu guy came out for their round dressed in a very revealing [you could see his package] spandex clown suit and did interpretive dancing to a Shakespearian-style monologue read out by the Tiger suit guy. It solidified the "carnival-esq" feel of the night)
Video Hippos (they had this awesome projector which showed distorted video clips of new reports, cartoons, etc and audio system that pumped out tinny music that they band then drowned out. I'd seen this once before with a six piece band (who's name escapes me), but it was just as spectacular. They also joined forces with Dan Deacon and Santa Dads under a huge sheet with black eyes colored on it to look like eyes and pretended to be the Ghost of Sport, which then preceeded to talk to itself ["'Did you see the gaaaaaame?' 'why yes I did see the game' 'was it goooooood?' 'of course it was gooooood, it was a gaaaaaaame!'"])
Dan Deacon (occasionally he would, in pure Dan Deacon fashion, tell stories or have little skits, or get everyone together for a camp-fire-type confession [everyone held hands and went in a circle confessing the first lie they could think of telling while knowing they could get away with it, with one chica actually breaking into tears {I think is was more that she was caught up in the moment, and not that she had dredged up painful memories}] before breaking into song, and then joining the crowd, turning it into a gigantic dance party/competition [you really had to be there to fully understand what I'm talking about, but I hope the message gets across just the same])
Blood Baby (basically, they just rocked the eff out with their driving guitar riffs, dancy, rock-out drum beats, and hilarious lyrics relating to everything from Bingo to face stabbing)

then it was one of the Rhino acts, then repeat. Rhinoceropolis artists:
Milton Melvin Croissant III (of Ultra Boyz! fame [said with tongue in cheek] didn't play one of his more ambient folky tunes, but rather a more punky tune that was, to me, rather reminiscent of The Ultra Boyz!, save for the fact that this tune sounded entirely intentional ;))
Married in Berdichev! (truthfully, I was a little sad that she didn't perform a longer song. Gorgeous vocals like that need to be flaunted more frequently)
Pictureplane/Travis' Side Project [Edit: BAZI KANANI] (Dancy little indi-techno-noise number that, to me, seemed to go on a bit long, but was damn fun regardless. I liked the fact that he and the person who he collaborated with [who I never really did get a good look at] had never even practiced together])
Juaren (He had a most awesome guitar with a little "harp" addition thing on the side. Problem was that even if he did use it, we couldn't tell, because his performance was basically chaotic noise. While interesting, it wasn't incredibly entertaining. Good closing act anyway.)

Quite the festival. Reward for reading:

Dan Deacon - Wham City

Video Hippos - Bearfight
Milton Melvin Croissant III - Snare of Love
(Bonus mp3: The Ultra Boyz! - 2045)

Married in Berdichev! - It's Hard Replacing

Here's a Pictureplane live set which I recorded:

Band: Pictureplane
Date: 2006-05-15
Venue: Monkey Mania, Denver, CO

Double Set of Lungs
Football Player Stadiums
Stars Away, Stars Afar (New)
No Name, But Soul (New)
Why Don't You Just Fade Away
Neon Herts For Eyes

[Edit: just as a side note, I didn't end up seeing Man Man at the Larimer Lounge with The Vitamins, so I won't be talking about that show {can't talk about something you didn't see}, but, as promised, I'll be posting another live set in a few days]

March 25, 2007

I Wanna Be A Temporary Texan

That (the place in the picture to the left by Bryan Schutmaat) would be the best venue ever, except for the possibility of horrible sound quality (depending on the amps and shit). best dance party ever... but, one must insure that things don't get crazy, and this happens:

okay, this post was originally going to be a "who to see at SXSW" post. Then I was side tracked, so I was going to turn it into a "who I would have seen at SXSW." Now, because of my slackerness, I'm just going to give up and post what I have, which is a list with a few links, and a lot of names. I will be posting a live set and a review of two shows within the next week, and would just like to forget about this whole mess of a blog Oh, and the awesome fella at Cause=Time (he seriosuly updates almost daily. that is nigh un-top-able) caught Kiyomi and I in our Denver excapades at the Hot IQs/Thermals show a few nights ago. check this shit out. Kiyomi and I are in the bottom picture. Anyway, here is the blog:

Speaking of dance parties, I just thought I'd do a small blog detailing who I would have seen at SXSW this year if I'd've been able to go (stupid no money and school getting in the way).

Here they are in 2 sections, in alphabetical order. 1st section being bands I would have seen that are from Denver or the surrounding cities in CO, 2nd being other bands I would have seen,. If you couldn't go (like my broke ass), take this chance to at least look over the list of bands and check out the ones that catch your eye. aaaaaaaaaaaand go

The Apples in Stereo (The Apples in Stereo - About Your Fame)
Hot IQs
(The Hot IQs - Nightstand) (I'm still putting a song up even though they couldn't come down for the show b/c of personal stuff)
The Photo Atlas (The Photo Atlas - the Walls Have Eyes)
Signal To Noise

+/- {Plus/Minus} (+/- {Plus/Minus} - Fadeout)
Aa (here's an entire CD Aa contributed to)
About (Check out the recent Daytrotter Set)
After Forever (After Forever - Wings of Illusion)
Afterhours (Watch Their Video for White Widow Here)
Against Me! (Against Me! - Holy Shit)
Airbourne (Airbourne - Runnin' Wild)
Air Traffic (Air Traffic - Charlotte)
Akimbo! (Download all you want from the media section of their web site)
Lily Allen
A Pink Cloud
Apollo Sunshine
Aqualung (Stream all his stuff, and even get a free song from his media section)
Architecture in Helsinki (
Attractive and Popular (Them doing their thing here)
Badly Drawn Boy
Jello Biafra
Scott H. Biram
The Black Angels
Andrew Bird
The Bird and the Bee
Bloc Party
Blonde Redhead
The Bravery
Buck 65
Catfish Haven
Cold War Kids
Paula Cole
Dan Deacon (See older blog "Show of the Year")
Casey Dienel (Amazing Daytrotter Session)
Dirty on Purpose
Dirty Projectors
The Dollyrots
The Early Years (There are about a million things to do on their Downloads page)
Evangelicals (Daytrotter is on top of their shit)
The Faint
The Forecast
Frog Eyes (Again with me pimping out Daytrotter's name)
Fujiya & Miyagi
Genghis Tron
Girl Talk
The Good, The Bad & The Queen
The Gossip
Hank IV
Headlights (Mmmm, Daytrotter tastes good.)
The High Strung (Daytrotter Session = Rocktasm)
The Horrors (See my Post "Sheena Is...")
I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness
Jack's Mannequin
Jandek (I can hardly believe this one myself. Look out for a Jandek themed blog soon)
Daniel Johnston and the Nightmares
Junior Senior
Kid Beyond
Kid Koala

Kings of Leon
The Krum Bums
Langhorne Slim (See my Post "By The Time The Sun's Gone ...")
Sondre Lerche
Loney, Dear
Lymbyc Systym
Margot & the Nuclear So and So's
Matt & Kim (See Post "Show of the Year")
MC Chris

Nellie McKay
M. Dot
Meat Puppets
Midlake (SONG)
Midnight Movies
Mika Miko
Amy Millan
The Mint Chicks
The Mooney Suzuki
Moros Eros
The Mother Truckers
The Mountain Goats
The M's

My Brightest Diamond

My Latest Novel
Nina Nastasia & Jim White
The New Flesh
New Violators
The Nightwatchman
Oakley Hall
Oh No! Oh My!
Old Time Relijun
120 Days

The Oohlas
Patton Oswalt
Page France
Lee "Scratch" Perry
Persephone's Bees

Peter and the Wolf
Peter, Bjorn and John
The Pierces
The Pink Spiders
The Polyphonic Spree
Public Enemy

The Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band
Gruff Rhys
Rodrigo y Gabriela Terra

Sage Francis
Say Hi To Your Mom

Duncan Sheik

Smoking Popes
Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin
Sound Team
Starsailor (James Walsh Solo)
The Stooges
The Subjects
Takka Takka
This Moment In Black History
Thunderbirds Are Now!
Tilly and The Wall
Amon Tobin

Tokyo Police Club
The Tragically Hip

Rocky Votolato
The Voxtrot
We Are the Fury
What Made Milwaukee Famous

(Lone) Wolf & Cub
You Am I
Youth Group

March 20, 2007

Some French Words, Incomprehensible Screaming, then "Sha, Sha, Sha"

Few things make me do this:

But finding live sets from bands who I've only, up to this point, thought of as rumor and hearsay, is one of those things. (I'm so lying, I'm excited by so much it's not even funny). As mentioned in a blog a little while ago, Fly Pan Am is one of very, very many bands to come about after the schism of Godspeed You! Black Emperor. Realistically, not much is known about them except what's on their wiki, so I won't claim to know more than the fine people who combined their knowledge to create that fine article. With no further ado, here it is, the only live music by this band I think I've ever been able to track down (you can get their studio stuff here):

Band: Fly Pan Am
Date: 2004-10-15
Venue: La Salla Rosa, Montreal, QC, Canada

Pas à pas step until
Efferant Afferant
Vos rêves revers
Jonathan est toujours plein d'effets
Brûlez suivant, suivante !
Encore 1
Encore 2, Outro

PS:'s video section is my new favorite thing. take this for example:
(Fake) Nutrigrain Ad

March 19, 2007

"Well I Abandoned him A Time Ago"

that's Dropping Daylight, being funny :). they're odd boys.

An artist going by Dead Heart Bloom recently let his second "child," which he has named "Chelsea Diaries" out into the world, and is, I would assume, awaiting some sort reaction. My guess is he will get about as much press as he did before, because, while the album is undeniably good, it's not overwhelmingly interesting. One thing it does have is soul, and, somehow, that makes it a little bit more infectious each time you listen to it, and that the lyrics are damn good. A few tracks stand out:

Dead Heart Bloom - Who Will You Love
Dead Heart Bloom - Chelsea Song #2
Dead Heart Bloom - Save The last Verse For Me

To me he sounds like an everyday version of Paleo, Lennon, Willie Nelson, and Kris Kristofferson mixed together. The trouble is we've all ready got them. Thankfully, I can't help but have the feeling that the man behind Dead Heart Bloom, Boris Skalsky, is going to lose any sleep over this, seeming how he is offering his new album for free from his website, much like he did his last album.

If you happen to see that he is coming to a town near you, check him out there, he is supposed to be one enchanting fellow.

March 13, 2007

I have 10 friends and a crow bar that says you aint gonna do jack

Hello my name is JJ and I do a little blog over at Karma Spares No One from time to time. Me and Luke are pretty good friends and we thought we would switch blogs for a day. What i didn't plan on was how diverse our styles would actually be. He did a great post on a mellow little folk dude and im doing one on the most violent lyrics known to

Hit the Lights-"Bodybag"
You're gonna need a bodybag,
I'll break bones you didn't know you had.
When I'm done there will be nothing left of you
for your friends to hold on to
when they find you cold and blue tonight...
Face down in the parking lot

This is about the only song I like from them, I think it's the poppy sound plus the really scary lyrics that sell this one for me. The album title "This is a Stick up...don't Make it a Murder" also makes me happy just because of Sheree originality. There was a time when I would say this to people in the halls for no reason other then to see their face react...a bit odd of me i know...


Brand New-"Seventy Times 7"
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seat belt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield

I like this one mainly because of the back story with TBS and the brutally honest lyrics. Apparently this fude has blown over, but when I saw Brand New this summer they still did this song to much applause. I had a hard time picking a part of the song i liked best but that's what I came up with. A must for every fan.
Jessy Lacey=God
Live in Boulder

(+44)-"No it isnt"
Please understand
This isn't just goodbye
This is I can't stand you
This is where the road crashed into the ocean
It rises all around me
And now we're barely breathing
A thousand faces we'll choose to ignore

Many people feel that this is about the blink break up, either way I think its a great all around song. The wavering voice and finality of the lyrics really make this a great song for me. I don't really care what it's about, I think its a nice step for a band with big expectations

No It isnt.mp3

Underoath-"I dont Feel very Receptive Today"
I haven't talked in days
And I'm really not too sure
What I sound like anymore
My vision has gone and my mouth is full, is full of sores

This one isn't about the lyrics...I just like the title. Plus the title of my post comes from an older underOath song. While this one doesn't really fit the pattern I think it's dark enough to work on some levels.

I Dont Feel Very Receptive Today.mp3
Underoath Video that is completly unrelated to either song

Well that's me, I'm headed to class. Hope all of you swing by my blog and leave me lots and lots of comments.

Rock on

March 12, 2007

Electric Chair, Electric Chair, Electric Chair...

To start off with: Pee-Pee at the Oriental Theater in Denver, CO:

There was a small stretch of history when Godspeed You! Black Emperor was the only God throughout the deep reaches of space and time. One day, God exploded, leaving behind it the planets, people, and musical instruments that people would, one day, learn to play on those planets. Those people and instruments came back together in many forms, bottleskup flenkenkenmike/1-speed bike, bakunin's bum, exhaust, fly pan am, et sans, set fire to flames, hrsta, molasses, esmerine, balai mécanique, 'gypt gore, sam shalabi, shalabi effect, black ox orkestar, the lonesome hanks, the mile ends ladies string auxiliary, valley of the giants, and, finally, A Silver Mt. Zion

A Silver Mt. Zion is the most prominent of the GY!BE side projects, followed not-so-closely by Fly Pan Am and 1-Speed Bike. I went into this live set (which was the first audio I'd ever heard from ASMZ) with a "oh good, more Godspeed material," which, in hindsight, was just wrong of me to do. While one can definitely tell these musicians were all in (or influenced by) GY!BE, one can also tell that they are all very much their own artists, now capable o doingf things that, in GY!BE, they were not able to do.

This does not, by any means, make ASMZ bad. They are incredible. Hear for yourself:

Band: A Silver Mt. Zion
Date: 2006-05-25
Le 4 Sans, Bordeaux, France

(Intro) (0:48 min)
Godbless Our Dead Marines (16:20 min)
Take These Hands and Throw Them in the River (9:01 min)
(anxiety) (2:06 min)
Teddy Roosevelt's Gun (13:52 min)
Horses In The Sky(7:56 min)
(disco song) (1:18 min)
Ring Them Bells (Freedom Has Come And Gone) (23:14 min)
Blind Blind Blind (14:24 min)
(repetition) (1:48 min)
One Million Die Just to Make this Sound (14:27 min)

March 10, 2007

Completed a Guest blog on Paleo at Karma Spares No One

Quick one: I just did a guest blog over on Karma Spares No One on our man Paleo. Check it out if you'd like to, I'd sure like that. There are about 25 files by Paleo there. thanks.

[EDIT: So this post isn't entirely a waste, here are the 196 rules of Doom Metal:]

1. Life is too short to experience all that is good.
2. Life is too long to enjoy living.
3. Every day is a funeral.
4. Do not wear anything but flat black clothes and combat boots.
5. Do not smile
6. Do not laugh.
7. Death Doom is not slow Death Metal, unless you think it is.
8. Doom Metal is not Death Metal with a violin.
9. No matter what anyone says, that vocalist is not the Cookie Monster.
10. I said "No laughing!!!"
11. No matter what anyone says, you're not a Goth.
12. While a black teddy bear with a broken heart hanging from a noose on your windshield may very well symbolize your tortured inner nature, it's not very metal.
13. It is acceptable to listen to non-doomy music if you play it at 1/4 of its normal tempo.
14. You may complain about an album's production unless it is a Thergothon release.
15. You will own Thergothon's 'Stream From The Heavens', but never listen to it because of the bad sound quality.
16. Spend years looking for that extremly rare limited to 500 copies vinyl only release that you must own, then listen to it twice in your lifetime.
17. You must never admit to liking a "fast part" on a doom CD, unless it is Disembowelment.
18. Watch incomprehensible cult movies with no plot, storyline or anything remotely interesting happening because "it's doomy!".
19. [Edit: This one actually pissed your faithful blogger off, so I took it out].
20. Album covers must contain one of the following: Ruins, Spirits in agony, A cemetary sculpture of an angel, or A pretty painting of heaven...
21. But you're not a Goth!
22. As a Doomster, you're too apathetic to engage in silly music genre debates.
23. Unless someone calls you Gothic, then it's on.
24. Always let your goat listen first to a new CD, so she may consider if it's good or bad for you.
25. Kitty cats are not appropriate pets unless they're black and depressed.
26. You must appreciate folk polka metal because polka is dark, emotional and "...really doomier than Serenades when you think about it."
27. Consider yourself open-minded about music.
28. Consider all other metal narrow-minded, especially "True Norwegian Black Metal!"
29. Ignore the contradiction of the above two rules.
30. If you're a traditional doom fan, you must complain endlessly about My Dying Bride, and call all the non-trad fans "Gothic Fags." Also complain about Droning doom because it's not music.
31. If you're a Sludge Doom fan moan that Trad doom is really Heavy Rock.
32. If you're a Stoner Doom Fan, you are not paranoid. They are all out to get you.
33. If you're a Doom/Death fan, you must complain endlessly about Droning Doom because it's even slower and more boring than what you listen to. Also complain about trad-doom because half the vocalists sound like they've been castrated.
34. If you're a fan of Droning Doom, you're probably too busy zoning on the droning to be reading this list, or to even care.
35. Remember Rule 22. You do not engage in silly music genre debates.
36. If someone says Doom-Metal is a mix between Death-Metal and Gothic-Metal, kick him in the nuts.
37. Unless you're fixated on an Earth CD at the time, then you probably didn't hear a word he just said.
38. If you find yourself describing your favourite piece of music as "Joyful," "A bright ray of sunshine," or "the super happy fun song," there's a slight chance that it's not Doom.
39. Doom Reviews containing descriptions such as "Crushing," "Monolithic," "Depressive," and "Suicidal" are good reviews... and yes, these are complimentary terms!
40. If you feel down, then listen to some truly soul crushing, suicidal doom to cheer you up.
41. If you are Doom, you are probably from Finland or Yorkshire.
42. Even if you're not Doom, if you're from Finland, you're probably still a miserable bastard.
43. No matter how slow you play, you can always play slower.
44. If there are more than 30 beats per minute, the music is too fast.
45. If you play anything above 30 bpm, you are probably Pop music, unless you are Disembowelment.
46. If Skepticism suddenly decides to play something above 30 bpm, then we will make an exception for them too, but this is very unlikely.
47. Make sure to include such words as "Emptiness," "Dying," "Solitude," "Cold," "Night," "Despair," "Demon," "Caress," "Darkness," and "Shadows" in your band name, song titles, and lyrics. Arrange them in faux poetic ways such as "In the Cold Demon's Caress, I lay Dying," "Dark Emptiness," "In Demonic Shadows, I Despair." "Empty Shadows of Death," and one that every True Doomster should relate to: "Nights of Solitude."
48. Only the first two albums of a band are True™ doom.
49. Disband after the first album or mini-cd and you're CULT!
50. Never let your audience know if your new song is an instrumental or not until you really have to. Give them at least 3 minutes to guess how the song will turn out.
51. Record 6 songs that span over the length of 2 full CDs. Obviously intro's, outro's and short intermezzo's (on both disks) are included in the song count.
52. You must make fun of Black Metal musicians taking pictures in the woods. Promptly afterwards you will have your band-mate follow you into a thicket by the local cemetery with a 35mm camera for "band shots".
53. True™ doom lyrical content must include references to: a relative, spouse, fiancée or pet dying, or abstract explorations of getting dumped by your girlfriend.
54. If you reference all of the above in a single song, you qualify for "Sooper Dooper Pooper Scooper True Cult Doom" status. An example of this would be: "Rover has passed into the frozen wastes of Kadath, and my heart has been rent from my ribcage by thee, temptress bitch."
55. There have to be at least 3 different songs with the same name in your repertoire. (You may put a number after it if you want, such as "Rover, My Temptress Bitch MXVIII.")
56. While practicing your death metal "Cookie Monster" vocals, resist the temptation to write songs about how much the chocolate chips long to join the sugary dough for one last dip into the pond of milk white purity before being thrown into the gaping maw of a ravenous muppet.
57. Most importantly, and I can't stress this enough: Be from Finland!
58. A Funeral Doom riff should last a minimum of 15 seconds, and repeat itself for at least 16 minutes.
59. You know you are a funeral doomster when you find yourself saying, "Black Sabbath just play too fast."
60. If you're a traditional doomster, rip off Black Sabbath, Saint Vitus, Obsessed, Pagan Altar and Pentagram, then claim any similarity is pure coincidence.
61. Mourn the loss of Paradise Lost a once great band.
62. Violinists are not necessarily gay.
63. The mark of good funeral doom is whether you can get a beer from the fridge in the time between two snare hits.
64. True doomsters are too depressed to go to band practice.
65. Use Æ in your song titles
66. Doomsters are not kvlt, tr00, gr1m or pretentious.
67. Hide your Darkthrone records when one of your doomed mates visits.
68. Any song shorter than 8 minutes is an 'Intro'.
69. Doom bands should not be popular, unless they're disbanded, then they are CULT.
70. Don't go out, unless the weather's cold and dreary.
71. Funerals are your favourite pastime.
72. State explicitly that doom bands are interesting and varied, then record a song with one riff the entire 20minutes of the track
73. If you are no longer doom, say you've "progressed" and deny that any previous doom recording even existed.
74. Sing along in the bath to your favourite doom band, then deny it because your too "depressed" to sing to yourself in the bath
75. Doomsters listen to a variety of music, are able to appreciate many music forms, and laugh at the shit non-doomsters listen to.
76. All doom bands are pioneering even if they sounds like every other doom band
77. Keep tours to a minimum, if people want to see you they have to be cult enough to travel at least 20,000miles
78. If more than 20 people ever come to one of your shows, you have to break up or else you're a sell-out
79. Name your demos and albums with strange titles like "Cthulghy Hyoyrto Skyththte", or "Jhihhee Eliidhhddeenn Fffffhhhhttthjhjuuuuu". By doing this, your band will look really avant garde, progressive and doom.
80. Be tired and indifferent during interviews. Your answers should contain at least 10 long-structured sentences. Otherwise, you are just a punk rock prick.
81. Doom musicians don't move at gigs. If they move, they are not doom.
82. Same applies to the audience.
83. Do not update your band's website.
84. If your fellow-band members are manic-depressive, make sure you quit before they reach the manic phase!
85. Never respond to e-mails, especially if they are asking to buy your CD.
86. Don't release any of your tracks on the internet, so people can't find out how you sound. And when do finally release your album, release it in an obscure label from Australia that refuses to distribute any of the 500 printed copies.
87. If possible, do not release anything when you're band is still together. After you're disbanded release your abominable rehearsal tapes and sell them with outrageous prices.
88. Artwork must contain pink or purple!
89. Make really happy music and sing about always looking on the bright side of life... Eric Idle is doom?… Life's a bowl of shit, when you look at it!
90. If someone can recognize one of your band members in a picture, you are not doom.
91. Do not betray your favourite band by wearing one of their T-Shirts. If someone sees it and listens to them, they will become popular and hence commercial sell-out shit.
92. Re-re-re-re-release your demo on tape or vinyl, but not on cd, and make sure no one ever will be able to buy it
93. You know when you are listening to doom when you're out cycling and old ladies walk past you.
94. You know when you are listening to doom when that snail jumps out in front of you.
95. The mark of a good Funeral Doom album is to put it on, go to sleep and find it's still playing when you wake up.
96. Make sure your booklet don't contain lyrics or information of any sort.
97. Doom should sound like being alone, naked, with no food, or water, in the middle of a terrible blizzard, with a lot of hatred and pain in your heart, while being on drugs. If it doesn't go see a doctor of doom.
98. Finland, Finland, Finland, the country where I want to be, pony trekking or camping, or just watching TV. Finland, Finland, Finland, it's the country for me!
99. Always keep the curtains closed, use candles is you must have light.
115. In all things, be alone.
116. Doomsters like to moan about life
117. Everything is bullshit and fake, and your dreams are insignificant.
118. Take each day at a time and discard yesterday's burdens or they will crush you when you add them to tomorrows
128. Judge a person by their record collection.
129. There is no problem that cannot be solved by real ale
134. Fail young, fail often
135. Avoid moments of clarity
136. Look forward to your last breath and the pleasure of that final disappointment and say "Is that all there is? If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing, let's break out the booze and have a ball, if that's all there is".
137. Never brush your teeth with a Noothgrush
140. Be content to vanish into nothingness when you die for no show, however good, could conceivably be good forever
147. When your creativity have dried up and shrivelled like an old prune, sign up with Century Media and abandon Doom altogether and go MTV friendly, but still cite My Dying Bride as one of your major influences.
148. Insisting your latest album is the bleakest, and most haunting your band has ever recorded, even if it's your debut.
150. Mournful Congregation would like to thank depression, pain, death, suicide, distain, misery, sadness, gloom dejection, melancholia, desolation, despondency, discouragement, downheartedness, grief, suffering distress, anguish, torture, agony, torment woe, sorrow, Wretchedness, unhappiness, affliction, displeasure, misfortune, lamentation, mourning, solitude, solemnity and Doom.... and so should you.
151. Generally speaking Sludge Doomsters are angry, Gothic doomsters are sad, funeral doomsters are barely breathing, death doomsters are dirty, drunk and dribbling, Stoner Doomsters don't care, drone doomsters are out of it and traditional Doomsters are permanently pissed off, mainly with other doomsters.
152. Have at least one goat-related song on your new album
153. If you are from England become sad and embittered that no-one gives two f*s about you, your band or your label, because in England nobody care about anything except their own little stash, nobody that is except those 30 people odd people who do turn up to see you play, and they are worth more than a stadium full of fair weather trend following wankers.
154. If half the audience hasn't left out of frustration before you've finished your first note, then you're playing too fast.
155. Trad Doom bands have to have shit singers, it's the law.
156. No one else understands why a 2 note song is good, but you don't care.
157. Impaled Nazarene are Doom because of the shear number of goats involved.
158. Make sure your drummer's not awake during gigs. After the gig, wake him up and tell him he played fantastic.
159. Look very bored during parties. If anyone asks, say you amuse yourself.
160. Debuts are good. Follow-ups are repetition and sell-out.
161. Make fun of punks. remember though, you are open-minded.
162. Trust me, your last gig was awful.
163. Blame others for your lack of success if success is what you seek (you know who you are)
164. Make sure at least one member of your band owns a record label otherwise you'll never release anything other than CDRs.
165. If no one in your bands owns a record label then write rave reviews of the bands that do.
166. Don't mention Lee Dorian's singing ability. Remember, he owns a record label.
167. "The end will come for all these lies, life is worthless, life will die, there's no need to cry" --Douglas P.
168. Funeral Doomsters: Make sure you have a tuner connected to your guitar, it's bound to get out of tune between strikes.
170. Expect the term 'Score' to mean one thing to a Funeral Doomster and something completely different to a Stoner Doomster.
171. Expect the phrase "Is there another key?" to mean one thing to a Death Doomster and something completely different to a Stoner Doomster.
178. Pour your heart and soul into designing a flyer, get them printed, then don't post them. It's connected with rule 91... Flyers = Sellout... remember, no one must know.
179. Always outnumber your audience in case they beat you up after the gig and nick your equipment
180. Tell everyone that your bandmembers are all 100% True Doom, even if the drummer's secretly into Trash, the guitarist's a closet Malmsteen fan and the bassplayer's so doped up he thinks he a Prog Rocker.
181. You can be in as many bands as you like, but just make sure that they all play the same stage on the same night, and ideally, sound exactly the same.
182. Get a girlfriend...she will double the audience!
183. Amaze your audience and get a full lineup together.
184. To be classified True™ doom you must obtain a signed certificate of authentication from Wino.
185. Any sign of progression or deviation from the True™ Doom path will result in debagging and expulsion from the "Circle Of True Doom"™. Disgraced band member's names will be struck from the "Children of Doom"™ register and Wino certification withdrawn.
186. The Swans are doom.
187. Doom is Rage without the aggression.
188. Don't try and headbang to Funeral Doom, you'll look ridiculous.
189. Rather than headbanging and looking amazingly ridiculous, prepare for your next funeral metal gig by avoiding sex, or touching your wankshaft for a couple of weeks, let your balls swell up to the size of melons, then on the night, drop your trousers and unleash you're awe inspiringly large testicles... arch your back... spread your legs wide... and sway them to and fro in time to the mega slow metal thereby avoiding any possibly headbanging embarrasing situation.
192. Don't pay by the hour for rehearsal space if you intend running through a few 'Until Death Overtakes Me' numbers.
194. Doomed solo composers must have Funeral, Drone and Ambient projects and several combinations thereof on the go at any one time to be taken seriously.
195. Insist that all of these projects are different, even if they sound the same.
196. Claim you know the singer of My Dying Bride, or were present in the studio when they recorded 'Turn Loose the Swans'.

March 9, 2007

"AH! Ze People Have Spoken! We Sing The Song in French! Excelent."

That is the best
damn Picture of Bjork
Eva! agree?

I personally think that the Dresden Dolls are highly underrated ... by most that is. Some people highly overrate them, but, in truth, I think that is a small portion of the population. I think that they should be commended for making it as big as they have for the type of music they're playing.

Like everyone else, I think Amanda Palmer's voice is a little annoying sometimes, but, all in all, she has not only a unique voice but knows damn well how to use it.

Here is my favorite performance of my favorite song by them, live in Atlanta, GA 3/27/04 (Brian Viglione on guitar):

Amsterdam (Sung in English)

The reason I post that song in particular is because during the show that I've posted below, they perform the cover, but it's not the best performance of it (in my opinion). it is, however, a unique performance of it, because they switch it up and Amanda sings the damn thing in French, which impressed the hell outta me.

I thin another awesome think to note about this show is that Peaches joined in two songs. It's pretty awesome/

Band: The Dresden Dolls
Date: 2006-04-30
Venue: the Donaufestival, Messehalle Krems, Krems, Austria

Sex Changes
Missed Me
Cosmic Dancer
Amsterdam (Sung in French) (Jacques Brel cover)
Happy Birthday (Feat. Peaches)
Coin Operated Boy
Girl Anachronism
War Pigs (Feat. Peaches)

March 1, 2007

Now Lets All Imagine That We're In New Mexico. Yeah. Oop ... Keep Your Eyes Closed

That's the line up for Bannaroo this upcoming summer. People I'd go for (in order of appearance):

The Police, Tool, the White Stripes, Wilco, The Flaming Lips, Damien Rice, Gov't Mule, The Decemberists, The Roots, Wolfmother, Regina Spektor, Lewis Black, The Black Keys, Spoon, Dave Attell, Sasha & Digweed, David Cross, Feist, Hot Chip, Aesop Rock, Xavier Rudd, Gogol Bordello, Cold War Kids, Dr. Dog, Brazilian Girls, The Nightwatchmen, Girl Talk, Annuals, Mute Math, Apollo Sunshine, The National, The Little Ones, and Black Angels.

Personally, I'm looking forward to who else is playing, because, so far, if there is a festival to trek across the land to attend, Coachella (this year) beats Bonnaroo ... hands down, straight up, flat out.

Along those lines:

I like Colin Meloy. From his on stage banter (which is well worth it to download) to interviews I've chanced upon, he seems like a really chill fella (and he also reminds me a film studies professor I've had). He also makes some damn good music, despite what pretentious-music-elitists might lead on to. I don't pretend not to, to some degree, be one of those, but I think that everyone is, to some degree. Regardless, my point is that as popular as the Decemberists are, they're still good, and "front man" (or, rather, guy who gets the most press) Colin Meloy is deserving of some credit. Here is one of the most amazing live sets I have by anyone affiliated with our friends The Decemberists:

Band: Colin Meloy
Date: 2006-01-28
Venue: The Birchmere in Alexandria, Va. (Recorded by NPR for All Songs Considered's Live Concert Series)

Radio Intro
Devil's Elbow
We Both Go Down Together
Engine Driver
Engine Driver (last 20 seconds) [I don't know why this is cut so oddly]
Gymnast, High Above the Ground
Baby Song
Shankhill Butchers (First Version recorded) [to my knowledge]
Tristan and Iseult
Here I Dreamt I was an Architect (ends with a bit of Fleetwood Mac's "Dreams")
Everything I Try to Do Nothing, Nothing Seems to Turn Out Right
Barbara Allen
Apology Song
California One
Youth and Beauty Brigade (leads with tease of Pink Floyd's "Fearless")
Encore Break
Red Right Ankle
Blues Runs the Game (Jackson Frank cover)
Bandit Queen